Meat and the Bone

There is the meat - there is the bone - never the twain should meet.

What is it about the bones that people find so fascinating?  I’m of course referring to the bones of meats that we consume, not a weird and twisted interest in the the human skeletal structure.

My wife, you see, she can take it.  She loves it, in fact she’ll get it carted in by the … errr … cart-load where there’s some meat and lots of bone.  She will relish consuming it.  I, however, find it rather cumbersome and inconvenient to tuck into a forkful of food only to have to then extricate bits of bone that has embedded itself in with the beat.  It is a disruptive nuisance to the flow of eating.  Even if I was using me hands to hold the meat of whatever kind, it is still a minor pain to have to deal with those pesky bits of bone that will insist on lodging itself in your teeth.

There is an argument that it is great fun to suck out all the juice and marrow out of the bones. An enjoyable time maybe had by all, apparently, licking one’s fingers and feeling a sense of accomplishment at having truly decimated and brought low the once substantial bone frame of the piece of meat that you were eating.

Just because the Andrex Puppy does, it doesn't mean I have to!

This is the argument of savages and thugs!  Have we really descended to such a level??  Can this really reflect the fullness of the human condition?  I urge you and plead with you to revert to a form of meat eating that is comfortable for all – it is the meat that we eat, it is the meat that is digested, it is the meat that is the source of the nutritional value and taste sensation that makes it all worthwhile.  You don’t want to put yourself out and have to spend ages resetting your teeth having traversed your way through the minefield of bones that might look to make eating difficult.  How many times have you seen people choke on a bone that need not have caused such grief if they had just left it alone?  How many times have you played sword fights and accidentally poked out the eye of a sibling that need not have happened had the bone been disposed of appropriately and the meat be left to offer its goodness?

Eating the meat bone free, just as nature designed ... kinda

I know what the deal is.  The animal that has been taken out of its living misery to provide sustenance for me was made with a skeletal structure of its own, and I’m not in favour of changing that!  (At this time.)  All I am saying.  All I am urging is that let’s not let the bone get in the way of a perfectly decent and beautiful eating experience.  And even if you disagree and maintain your love for the bone – and I fervently defend your right to hold that wrong opinion – at least have the common courtesy to keep this to yourself in the privacy of your own bathrooms.  (You obviously cannot consume them in the kitchen or dining area, that would be silly!  Lock yourself up in your bathroom and then you can clean yourself up afterwards.)

Thank you for considering this rationale – carry on eating.




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