This blog entry was going to be in praise of strawberry bon-bons and here’s why. A long time ago … for me … when I was just a boy I was into my sweets and chocolates. There were some sweets and chocolates that took an exalted status because they came so rarely. When I was introduced to strawberry bon-bons I had developed the awkward taste-buds that made me the 2nd Fussiest Eater in the World. (I would have been No. 1, but you have to be modest about these things.) So it wasn’t any and any sweet that could enter my mouth – oh no, these sweets had to have that taste that would send my thoughts to heavenly thoughts. The standard was high.
So when I first came across these strawberry bon-bons it took much for me to even give them a taste. What swung it in their favour was the strawberry bit. I love strawberry flavoured stuff – actually not all that fussed about strawberries themselves, but keen on strawberry flavoured stuff – especially Ribena. So here came these bon-bons that were meant to be strawberry so I gave them a go. Now as with every sweet you come across you have to know how it goes – do you chew it, crunch it or suck it? Well at the time I eventually got round to discovering that in fact it’s a case of sucking them.
Also it’s important to know that when you take them it’s not like a pill that you take one at a time, to get the best out of them you have to place four of them in your mouth at the same time. That’s right, four of them at the same time. What happens you see is once they’re in your mouth, you place them in the gap between your teeth and cheeks like Marlon Brando apparently did with cheese when he played Don Corleone in The Godfather. Indeed that was one of the big pluses about the sweet in that it was a pleasant tasting sweet that you could have to make you do Mafioso boss impressions with. I can tell you I did my fair share of impressions and as you can guess, they were brilliant.
So you’ve got them in your mouth and you’re telling someone about making offers they can’t refuse. Whilst you’re doing that and giving orders for horse heads to be left next to movie moguls, you slowly and in a luxuriating manner suck away at those little balls of strawberry goodness. There comes a time in the sucking when the strawberry goodness turns into a melting and molding activity with the balls to make one morass of bon-bon mayhem which continues to be sucked away into nothingness. That is also the time that the Godfather impression comes to an end. Though thankfully you don’t have to stumble around in a little patch of growing vegetation with a little boy before collapsing with a fatal heart attack – it is the impression that ends, not your life as was the case for the dearly departed Don R.I.P.
As I mentioned strawberry bon-bons were a rarity for me. I never hunted them down and people didn’t realise I loved them so. Indeed the hiatus of bon-bon love went on for years until recently. I was in Poundstretcher (I ain’t too proud to beg, you see) and came across a great deal for the girls (king-size twix and mars for £1 – that’s good sense that is) and whilst I had loose change my eyes fell on a bag of strawberry bon-bons. Well, I can tell you it was love once more, and I was feeling a bit unwell I was sure the strawberry goodness would do me a favour until my health improved.
So there I go with the sweets and on arriving at home I dig into them like the old days. I’m not a greedy, voracious person, though and I allowed the sweets to spread across an entire night before finishing them off at work the next day. Now one of the rules I observe with sweets is that once they’re in my mouth for a particular time they will remain there until they are consumed. It is a gross waste of them to remove them for the mouth for observation. Yet during the morning time when I was finishing off the last few four-sets I detected that something was a bit amiss about the post-strawberry goodness stage and once I melded and moulded them I investigated what was amiss.
Here is the scandal.
My eyes beheld a toffee looking concoction!
Can you believe that? I had been hoodwinked. I had been bamboozled. I had been deceived and connived in ways usually reserved for pranks I play on others. I am not meant to be the victim of such a scheme! That’s out of order, that is.
You see I am a dedicated enemy of toffee sweets. I don’t like them. I don’t the chewy and gooey aspect of them. They don’t look nice and they usually don’t taste good for me either. I know there are people who like toffee, but that’s what psychiatrists and therapists are there for. I don’t like them and I don’t like the thought of them having sneaked into me system in a cunning disguise. So you can now fully appreciate just how devastating that was to discover.
Needless to say I shall not be having a strawberry bon-bon ever again – I shall just have to find a replacement to be able to wow and amaze my friends with the greatest Don Corleone impression ever. If you have any suggestions let me know by adding a comment.